Royal British Legion

ColourHow do you describe a colour to someone who has never been able to see?

A strange way to start an article, a philosophical question.  The relevance will be revealed later but as to the question, I don’t know.  I’m sure that there is some empathetic way that some specialist or another could answer the question but I will remain, for now, none the wiser.

My previous two articles briefly covered my injury and my inability to cope until fairly recently.  The reason I am writing about something so deeply personal is because of an aim I am hoping to achieve.  When I had hit rock bottom, medical and legal bills had made me, sorry us (my wife whom I had left in 2008 stuck by me and nursed me through the hardships), penniless the Royal British Legion stepped in and helped us.  I vowed that I would repay the kindness and decided (a New Year’s Resolution of all things!) that I would do a sponsored walk to raise money for them.  I also promised them that I would write about it and needed to write the articles, describing my past, in order for some context.

Read the rest of the article on my own WordPress site here.


Change is easy to promise yourself, I know, I’ve done it hundreds of times since my injury.  The hardest part is actually doing the deed especially when you are in complete agony and you just want to curl up and die.  I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve just wanted to die, to be free of the pain, the misery and the memories that haunt me.  I’m not saying this lightly.  I’ve fallen down the pit of depression so many times, tried to crawl out only to be kicked in the teeth and fallen lower than before.

I’ll warn you now that this post sounds like the irritating whining of a selfish, woe-is-me weakling, which it is.  A friend once told me that pain is weakness leaving the body.  I have a lot of weakness!  I’ve given fair warning and read at your own mental peril!

Whilst I was in Headley Court the psychiatrist told me to start a journal in order for me to articulate my feelings in writing.  It didn’t take long for me to get bored writing, “Hurting and pissed off”.  The psychiatrist had a go at me and said I wasn’t trying, I asked him how hard he wanted me to try?  “Express your feelings” he told me.  “I have” I told him back.  Needless to say, that conversation didn’t get very far and neither did my ‘articulation of my feelings’.  As I mentioned in the first part, I’m not very good at showing my feelings.

Once again, the full story can be read at or click this link

The Start

How do you start a personal series of events when you are not a ‘sharing’ kind of person?  How do you be frank and honest for the first time in your life when you’ve always hidden behind a mask, a facade?  I’ve never allowed myself to get close to many people, having lived my life in semi-isolation from the majority of society as did many of my colleagues.  The work I did defined me and my outlook on life.  I did not share personal details.  Period.

That was then and this is now.  My life has changed to such a degree that trying to pretend that the way I lived my life before my injury is the way to continue is folly.  I’m not the person I was seven years ago and whatever dangers that I believed existed have paled into insignificance compared to what I now face daily.  I’ve decided that the personal me needs to explain some things because of something I have decided to do.  An undertaking and an obligation.  So the best place is to start not at the beginning but somewhere near the end; the last few weeks before I lost all sensation in the lower half of my body.


The link takes you to my own website

Why a different website?  I wanted to have a website with unrestricted space and no adverts.  It still uses WordPress and you can still log in with your WordPress account, it’s just hosted by me so that I have full control over it.  Nothing else.

Long Absence

It’s been a long absence but I think it’s about time I tried my hand at some more writing and see what happens.

I’ve changed the appearance of the site, as they say, a change is as good as a rest and I’ve now down both!

I hope to have posts up soon and hope that they are enjoyable.


Hope to see you soon!

A Long Absence

It’s been a long time since I last posted.

It would be easy to write that I had been away for a while or that I had forgotten to write anything, but both would be a lie.  I have been nowhere and although I have been forgetting practically everything within a few hours, that isn’t the reason for me not writing.

The truth is that since my last post I have been wallowing in self pity, fighting insurance companies and trying to find somewhere to live.  Not necessarily in that order.

I have thought about writing but then realised that I had nothing worth writing about.  I was feeling very sorry for myself and once selfishness takes hold, you become oblivious to everything else.  You don’t care about what is happening to others, you only care about why is this happening to me!!

I decided that maybe I should snap out of it and face the world like a man.  Ok, that was overly dramatic but I have been away for a while and should be allowed some leeway.  Seriously though, I realised that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life living in the glorious past and afraid to face the here and now.  I don’t want to, who would.  The here and now is a bleak place and not just for me.  All of us are feeling the pinch.  But wanting something doesn’t mean that you can get it.  There is no way I am going to be who I used to be, I just have to try and be a better and stronger person now.

Ok, that was overly condescending too.  I really should stop while I am behind!

However (there always is a however, isn’t there), I decided to start my own webpage and blog.  That way, I am not constrained to the limits that the free WordPress has.  My own site looks exactly the same as this except it’s a little sparse on articles.  For now.

So, if you want to read whatever scribbles I write, you will have to visit my new site at:

I hope to see you all there!