Pets are strange, don’t you think? Why do people own them, for a start? And the types of pets some people own are just downright weird! I’m not going to go into those heartless individuals who don’t care for or abuse their pets; how anyone could do that to an animal is just unbelievable! I am talking about the pet lovers, the ones that have pets and take good care of them.
And before we go any further, we have our first topic of weirdness. I have two dogs and I love them to bits. They don’t do much. Well, my puppy runs around, chewing everything she sees and is basically a furry mass of energy. My male dog just eats, sleep, runs around a bit and looks at the puppy with a sense of bemusement. That’s what dogs do. Some people have working dogs, be they hunting dogs or even guide dogs. Although they can be classed as pets, they work for a living. I’m going to discount those and go for the pets that don’t really do a great deal apart from cost us money.
So, back onto the topic of those who care for their pets. There are varying degrees here, from people like me, who feed, clean and walk their dogs, to those that preen, spoil and even dress up their pets! We’ve all seen them, whether it be on television or even in real life – a poodle walking down the street in full leathers, with it’s owner walking behind – in full leather! Now, does the poodle realise it looks ridiculous or does it like the feel of leather? I often wonder if they are overheating under some of their clothes – lets face it, dogs have their own form of keeping warm and adding leather to it can’t really be that good for it!
And then there are the ‘pet’ dogs. Dogs so small they could be eaten by mice! The things that someone like Paris Hilton would carry in her purse. Why on earth would someone want something like that? My cousin owns a pet terrier (like a normal terrier except a lot, lot smaller – and terriers aren’t that big to begin with!) and every time I go an visit, I am terrified that I am going to stand on it and squash it. The strange thing is, she (the pet terrier called Masie) obviously thinks she’s the real thing, as she barks and growls like she is actually some sort of threat! In all honesty, if a ladybird decided to do some damage to her, the terrier would lose!
So, that’s dressed up dogs and small pointless dogs covered. Let’s not dwell on that and move onto something that believes it’s the owner and not the pet. Yes, the cat. Cats are absolutely gorgeous when they are kittens. All dependent and vulnerable, relying on you to keep them safe and warm – awwww. But as soon as they grow up, well, you can forget the vulnerable part, and the keeping safe part and in fact anything that even relates to looking after them unless they want you to. That’s the crux of it, cats think they own you and you are expected to do what they want when they want it doing. I don’t even think marriage is as bad as that. So, what’s the point of them? They cost a fortune to keep, don’t want to know you most of the time, you never see them and when you do, they just want feeding and somewhere to sleep before they go off again.
At least cats don’t mind being petted, when they feel like it. What about fish? Ever tried to pet a fish? The last time I did, it was covered in batter and came with a side order of chips! And talk about expensive!! The tanks they live in can cost the same as a small house and then there are the fish themselves. Some cost thousands of pounds! Then you just put them into the tank with a myriad other fist and hope that it doesn’t get eaten by one of the others! Forget about cuddling them, even if you did have a wet-suit. Apparently, watching fish can be therapeutic. I think therapy might be cheaper, and watching a load of fish swim around and around and around…. well, I’ll let you decide. It doesn’t stop there, by the way. Oh no! You have to make sure that the water is cleaned, that they are getting enough air (can you believe that!) and ensure they are fed just the right amount, or they explode or something, I don’t know. And the return? Well, you can watch them, I suppose, but if that’s what you want, why not get a screen saver with fish swimming around? It’s cheaper and just as much fun!!
Reptiles are another favourite. As we all know, reptiles are loving creatures that like nothing more than to relax in the sun and, in some cases, poison you if you annoy them! Great! Ok, not all reptiles are poisonous, but again, you have to consider the return you’re getting. Firstly, they’re not as cute as a puppy or kitten, even when they are young and secondly, when they are fully grown, they eat puppies and kittens! Again, they’re not cheap to keep, either. You have to get a glass container and make sure the heat is just right and that there’s the right amount of vegetation for them to be comfortable in; and that needs replacing constantly. Then you have to feed them, not always puppies and kittens, but sometimes mice and your wife. Forget about cuddles, the best you can hope for is the snake not choking you to death when you wrap it around your neck, showing off in front of your mates!
No matter how weird reptiles are or however pointless fish are, insects have to be number one on the why the hell list! Praying Mantis, ants, Black Widow spiders! As pets!! I can’t even begin to try explain the logic behind them. Some really would try and kill you, whilst the others are just something you can look at. And they’re not particularly cute, nor do they do tricks or anything. They tend to sit in their glass containers and stare malevolently at you from some of its numerous eyes, daring you to open the top! But collectors spend a fortune on them; the weirder the better as far as they are concerned and for what? No one knows, and if they do, they certainly aren’t telling me!
I’ve covered just a few of the weird pets people have, but rest assured, there are others. Llamas, pigs, goats, panthers, lions (a pet that is above you on the food chain is just sheer stupidity as one of those gay performers in Vegas found out – don’t mess with anything that considers you food!) and porcupines, to name just a few. People can be strange, but strange people can be weirder by some of the pets they have.
For me, a pet is something that you care for and it cares right back. I am obviously a dog person. My dogs are loyal, loving and pretty dumb, but I love them for it anyway. I have no doubt that no matter the pet, the owner may love it just as much as I love my dogs. No matter how weird we may think they are, at least they care for them, no matter what the cost. A pet is for life. Sometimes their lives can be a month, sometimes yours can be, especially if you like Tigers!!