What happens when the silence comes? The moment that you no longer have any more words to say. All the words that have come before are all that can be said. What happens then?
What happens when there is nothing left to do? All you could have done has been done. There is no more to do. It’s all been done. It’s achieved nothing. Anything else is superfluous and pointless, an exercise in futility?
What happens when you no longer want to move? Movement brings more pain, more tears and achieves little. You don’t go anywhere and you don’t want to go anywhere. You want to stay still and remain that way.
What happens when the anger that fired you has gone? When the fire that ignited every time you felt the pain has finally been extinguished by the futility of it all. All that is left is the empty, hollow, cold space that it once occupied. The fire is gone and with it the power to try and overcome the obstacles.
What happens when the belief you had has gone? The once seemingly indefatigable essence of yourself has slowly petered out, chipped away by the constant failures and defeats. The optimism constantly battered into submission; twisted and warped, it’s now a feeling of pointlessness and negativity.
What happens when everyone that supported you have drifted into indifference? Their avoidance of what is replaced by what was; surreal and imagined, contact avoided and then ceasing altogether. The pillar of support crumbling into dust and drifting on the wind.
The sweet temptation of nothingness beckons like the sirens of lore; the promise of no pain, no anguish and no more failures unimaginable and yet a thing of daydreams and tormented sleep. To be free of everything, to shed all human frailties and weaknesses. To be free of a tormented lifelessness and mere existence.
What happens then?
You dig deep. Then you dig deeper. You dig until you reach the beating heart of your existence. You hold it and nurture it as if you would a dieing tree, it’s deep roots resisting the disease and drawing life into it’s core. You open your eyes to the pain and suffering of those dear to you and feed off their love, their prayers and their hope. You fuel the fire in your core until it begins to grow, its light slowly banishing the darkness and the doubts. You find the beauty in a leaf and emulate its struggle just to stay on the tree. You are that leaf and the tree is everything and everyone that loves you.